Saturday, December 19, 2009

One foot forward.

I was just going through the archives to sift through and delete some comments, thanks to some Asian sex shop that has somehow ended up using this space for advertisement. I didn't have word verification turned on for the comments, so hopefully by doing so, I'll be able to divert those rude little bots from spitting on my blog.

It seems that I've only been posting here once a month for quite a few months running. It's basically not out of a lack of things to write about, rather a statement of just how stressful and chaotic Ethan's world has been. Our summer was miserable, then he seemed to be doing well in school in September, but has been spiraling downward since October. He is still hitting the children in his classroom and that has been pretty difficult for everyone. We've started working with a child psychologist, but there simply isn't much positive reporting to be done at this time.

Ethan has been diagnosed with autism. November 14 was the magical day that I sat in a small room with a young woman who rattled on about his IQ and all of his other troubling behaviors. It was, and remains to be, very depressing. I have long suspected autism, but somehow hearing it was like a sucker punch to the nose, then the gut, then the groin...

So anyway! I am just letting you all know, that we're having a tough time and thus we aren't really putting much "out there" for now, but I am hopeful that things will turn around and that we'll start making our way back to what was our "normal". Hell, maybe I'll even start taking pictures of Ethan again.

Until then, I should say that we are really looking forward to seeing our families over the holidays and bathing in their love and support as it has carried us to this point and will bring us through whatever is going on now. We have much to be thankful for and we never lose sight of that, even when times are tough.

Happy Holidays.


15 comments:

Annie said...

Oh, Heather. You'll be in my prayers.

Kristina said...

Family is good. So are breaks. I hope you get a lot of both over the holidays. I also hope all the prayers help to ease up some of the stress in the new year. Heaven knows we can only deal with so much before we break!

Thinking of you quite often. Especially the other day when I was rather stressed and screaming "I Hate You CMV" - that was a real low moment for me and I was sure you could relate!

leah said...

Heather, sending some *hugs* your way. Sometimes things are just so damned hard.

I do hope the new diagnosis will open up more doors to therapy and other help.

Sending prayers (and possibly a nice bottle of pinot) your way...

Drew's Mom said...

Know we are here, and thinking of you, and will offer support any way we can.

Merry Christmas to you, and your beautiful little boy.

Cheryl said...

Heather,
Sending you lots of hugs, love and prayers. It is always hard to hear what professionals decide our child's diagnosis is, even if our gut is telling us that. The good thing is that you have had him in services since he was very young, and that makes a huge impact on a positive future.

I'm glad your going to be with your family where you can be surrounded with love and hopefully some of the stress with ease up. Just try to enjoy being together and enjoy that beautiful little boy you have! When Melanie was younger, the best time it was for me was when I turned it over to God and let Melanie be Melanie, trusted the service providers and stopped trying so hard to force her to change. I still corrected her with the negative behaviors, but mostly let her be herself. It was a huge relief off of my shoulders, at least for several years. Damn those teen years, LOL.
Keeping you close to my heart and in my thoughts and prayers. Never doubt for one second, what amazing parents you both are. Ethan would not have come as far as he has come, if it were not for you two.
Enjoy your holiday, try to focus on the season and the love.
XOXOXOXO
Cheryl

Kyla said...

Good luck to you guys, Hetha. I know things must be hard right now, but I'm hoping for brighter days ahead...and LOTS of pics of that boy of yours!

Tiffany C. said...

Things continue to be very rough for us as well. Keep your head up! Keep doing whatever you can to help him Heather, I know you will. One day soon he'll come back to you. :) We're praying for you guys!

therextras said...

I hope sharing here is part of what helps you. I believe it helps others, too. It's good that you can look forward to the holidays when you are feeling bad about his diagnosis. (It is also good that you go and delete those spam messages!)

Barbara

I am Trish Marie said...

It always comes as such a shock to receive a diagnosis...even when you already suspected exactly what you are told. Everytime, without fail, this is how I feel when we are given a new diagnosis. I can only imagine how you must feel. Hopefully this will open some doors and give you some new insight.

Jeannette said...

I've been off blogs a bit lately, so I'm only now reading this. You continue to be in my thoughts. It is so hard. I hope that the holidays were a good time. (hugs!) ILY!

Laurie said...

Am catching up on my blog reading over the holidays. So sorry to hear you are having a rough time with Ethan.....this, too, will pass. Will pray for you and think good thoughts.

And may 2010 be a better year for you and your family!

Mama Deb said...

I just read your incredibly sweet comment on my blog. You have absolutely no idea how much it meant to read that! So often I feel like I am just bitching and moaning about things and probably shouldn't take the time to write those feelings down. (In fact, most of the time I don't) I'm so touched to hear that it helps you and others to not feel alone in this crazy journey. Wishing you all a much happier 2010. I think we all need a really good year!!

Aliki2006 said...

Oh Heather, I'm sorry it took me this long to check back--last time I checked it hadn't been updated...

I know you suspected the diagnosis, but hearing it never feels good, or right. It took me a long, long while to accept L.'s diagnosis--sometimes I still feel numb about it.

I hope you had good holidays, and that you are feeling better. Send me an e-mail if you need to talk...

BLOOM - Parenting Kids With Disabilities said...

Heather -- I just came to your blog through the Hopeful Parents link -- Ethan is gorgeous and I look forward to hearing more about him. My son uses sign language and also was diagnosed with apraxia (although he also has oral structural differences, low muscle tone and a mild hearing loss that all combined to make speech impossible).

What type of school does Ethan go to now? Are the teachers fluent in sign?

It must be very challenging and frustrating for Ethan to cope with his communication challenges and sensory and other issues related to autism.

But I look at the photos here and I see one adorable, delightful, cool kid! What does he enjoy doing?

Hope you had a chance for a walk!

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