Ssshhh! I listen, then suspend breathing…Okay he is still asleep. Man that was close.
These are the thoughts that fill my head every hour or so all evening long. It’s so pathetic and maddening. When will I ever get to spend an evening relaxing? Why must he have trouble sleeping? He can’t hear anything, so what is always waking him up?
It’s driving me mad, MAD I TELL YOU!
I’m partially kidding, but mostly serious. My instant anger surprises and scares me sometimes. I have such a short fuse for the sleeping issue. I’ve got a right to feel this way though; our situation has been atypical in more ways than one. And to be fair, I’ve been handling myself really well, with a stable temperament, despite months of sleep deprivation.
Rich and I have patiently been sleeping apart for a while. (I have to sleep with E-boy to get him through the night.) I guess there have been 2 nights that we’ve managed to snuggle like married people. One turned out not to even mean a good night’s sleep for me, although Rich slept soundly. We were in an extremely old B & B, known for having ghosts, and were put in a room in the oldest section of the building. Those rooms are notorious for having the highest number of “incidents”. Of course there had to be an electrical storm during the night that took out the power. I didn’t move, or breathe, or sleep.
It was just like being home!
I read a blog post that made feel like writing about this topic. While reading her words I felt like I was lying in my own bed next to E-boy, getting the sh*t kicked out of me while calmly trying to settle him down. It doesn’t help that we can’t communicate. Signing doesn’t work in bed in the dark. So my firmness in handling him has to send the message. I have a maneuver that I usually end up employing as a last resort, but it’s inevitably the only way I’ve managed to get him to sleep for weeks.
But tonight I tried a new maneuver and it worked!
For the first time in his life (of 23.5 months) I was able to rub his back while he lay on his tummy until he relaxed enough to fall asleep.
It was delicious!
He’s even sleeping right now, but I don’t want to talk about it…